The chronicles of Alok Parlok Nath

One of my all-time favorite articles, written by Premjit on Mouthshut:

Before going to his movies (heavens smile on us, there are so many) let us begin with an Alok Nath music video. Popstar (?) Anaamika had once employed the services of Alok Nath and Rima Lagu in her Punju music video for:-
Kaala Sha Kaala (Black Utterly Black)
At a ladies’ sangeet session during a garish wedding, boys and girls seated afore each other, segregated by gender and a carpet. Amidst the ruckus, dancing and singing, a red-hot affair is brewing secretly, to which the whole world is alas oblivious. Alok gives nuanced smiles to a blushing Rima. When the kids attack each other throwing Marigold Flowers, Alok not to be left behind, wants to throw one at the seemingly-nonchalant-but-knowing-it-all Rima, but can’t get himself to. He just takes aim repeatedly and blushes. Finally, when he does it he hides, much to Rima’s pleasure.

Alok Nath brings out this character’s inner turmoil beautifully. This is a man attending a punju wedding, witnessing youthful kids getting flirty with each other, has his eyes set on a well-rounded lady giving him her best possible ‘come-hither-and-take-me-royally-you-tiger’ looks, he so badly wants to throw caution to the winds by aiming a Marigold Flower at her but just can’t. Aakhir lok-laaj, sabhyata, izzat-aabru naam ki bhi koi cheez hoti hai. (After all, there are such things namely - shame, culture, virginity et al).

This one song epitomizes all that Alok stands for in 95% of his movie appearances. Alok Nath has become the man of choice whenever Bollywood needs a middle aged father, or a selflessly unmarried uncle, or a samdhi experiencing the stirring of a love that dare not speak up, or the father of wronged daughters, or anyone dejected, disappointed and taken aback in life yet braving all odds with twinkling eyes and of course that endearing smile.

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Way back in 1989, when Maine Pyaar Kiya had just released, I was fascinated to note how here was an actor, Alok Nath, who neither laughs nor cries. (Shocked??) He does them both together!! He laughcries! Alternately, he crylaughs!

Alok laughcries when darling daughter Bhagyashree becomes jawaan (of an age to rid herself off the gruesome burden of virginity). In a scene worth repetitive viewings, rustic Alok crylaughs while barging into a board meeting which his city-bred, corporate type pal is conducting. Registering a divinely prasanna mudra on his face, with weltering tears in his eyes, Alok bashfully questions, “Mujhse gale nahi milega, yaar?” (Won’t you embrace me, you duckface?). I forgot to mention The Voice. Its mellow. Its hushed. Its a wavering dulcet. A tone that usually men above forty-five employ to sound like young college boys.

Without awaiting an affirmation, Alok rushes across the table to hug his, too stunned to resist, old male friend. Alok’s hug is accompanied with such an achingly gratuitous expression on his laughcrying face that it almost conveys, “this is not just another everyday hug, but a kind of a long-awaited, kinked-out sexual release.”

On the other hand, if you haven’t seen an Alok Nath quivering with rage, you have seen nothing. Its priceless. He trembles, his jowls shake, whines like a nagging wife, and looks like a total lost cause in life.

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Then came THE movie that ruined Hindi cinema irreversibly, Hum Aapke Hain Kaun, showcasing Alok Nath as never before.

I so wish I could quote in toto a three sheet monologue by Ajit Vacchani introducing Alok’s character. Ajit V. goes, “Aap hain Ramkishenji/ Durgaprashadji or whatever his dumb name was…

As an aside, Alok always has these archaic, long winding names in his movies. RamSharanji / Vidya Charanji/ Radheshyam Shuklaji/ Shyam Prasad Bharadwaj ji or something equally annoying. Or he has to have ‘babu’ suffixed to it, its never alone. Pick from - Sharad babu, Shekhar babu, Dayashankar babu.

... Returning to Ajit V’s three sheet monologue introducing Alok Nath, “Aap hain LongWindingName ji”, blah blah about how he started off young with two rupees in his pocket, went ahead to build up a business empire, and how with hard work he selflessly conducted the upbringing of his two moronic nephews, Monish and Sallu, ignoring any of his own necessities, yak yak. This eulogy ends with a traffic stopping, heart wrenching phrase, “aur aapke ke bare mein kya batayein, aapne toh abhi tak shaadi bhi nahi ki.”

Note how during this verbal character-sketch by Ajit V, the camera pans lovingly on Alok’s laughcrying face soaking the words of praise with characteristic timidity, diffidently shrugging away the compliments. As a fitting finale to this brilliant bit of emoting, Alok removes his glasses, cross-stitches eyebrows together, wipes 4 tears, with 32 teeth in full frontal display, saying something that goes, “heheheh Aap kyun sharminda karte hain Govind Babu?” or something equally banal. Also note, Alok is the only guy who can smile with lips upside down yet show maximum teeth.

All I can say about the Samdhi Samdhan song is that this is stuff that legends are made of. Its the original of the aforesaid music video, but instead of ending with Marigolds throwing match, it ends with Rima singing some heavy-duty lines on how her daughter is now the shobha of Alok’s aangan, (the USP of his backyard). So, Alok silently portrays that henceforth he will ward off and quash all overtly sexual feelings for Rima keeping the laaj of this naazuk rishta intact, needless to add, accompanied with a crylaughing face.

(Topics closest to my heart run into the comments section. Heheheheheh! Aap bhi na, sharminda hi karte hain!!:-)

Hum Saath Saath Hain begins with the frenzied preparations for the 25th or 50th or whateverth (like I care, and neither should you) wedding anniversary of Alok and Rima. Monish Behl sings a solo number that goes, “Dharti pe roop bhagwaan ka hain mere maa baap” yeah something like that, during which Alok goes through his usual rigmarole of emotions.

As an added bonus in this movie we get to see Alok do a Dashrath, getting reduced to a stricken pyretic father undergoing the fevered pangs of judaai from his laadla beta, when Rima decides to get bitchier than Kaikaiyi and chases Monish away from ghar-jaydaad.

Alok also had some stellar appearances in other movies that I’d like to cursorily mention, yet everything mentioned before applies to these roles too.

Taal
“Aapke bete ne pyaar ka vaada toh kiya par nibhaya nahi” (your son thinks my daughter is an easy lay) Alok Nath as the father to a wronged majboor beti is hilarious enough. As an icing, lets even make him a folk singer from Chamba who gets appalled at his tunes being remixed in Mumbai. Wronged Daughter, Wronged Music, i.e. Alok in a double assault, as he has two things to whine about.

Bol Radha Bol
Alok Nath and villainy. Help! See it to believe it. He even tries to snarl like Raza Murad.

Hatim Tai
The Raja of Paristaan, clad in velvet tights , a crown and sporting a magic wand. Mentioned in vivid details by other reviewers on this topic. Absolutely recommended reading.

Zamaane Se Kya Darna
No one in his/her right minds would have even heard of this one. Typically it was one of those movies we saw as fresher hostel students in a hamlet near Mangalore, when we were all too bored to attend lab/workshops and too broke to drink beer in some cheap bar.

We heard from our seniors how Alok yet again had given a sterling performance, deserving standing ovations and fervent cries for encore.
Seniors: Yaar, there are 4-5 villians, each come at random points in the movie and bash up poor Alok Nath for no apparent reason. Which is actually good, coz he is a lutti hui izzat wali beti ka baap and whines continuously. He cries aloud, suffers repeated assaults, trembles and says long dialogues in utter frustration that go somewhat like, “Aaj jiss beti ke liye maine hazaar sapne bunne thay, khud hi humein tabaah kar gayi” and ..
Which was enough for us to rush to the local theatres.

Kaam-Agni (Sex-Fire)
Long ago, Alok was the hero opposite Tina Munim. The premise was that Tina is the sexually unsatisfied wife of an impotent Alok Nath. She undergoes a sexual awakening while watching the Khajuraho Temples. Now the moot query that arises is how would Alok Nath essay impotency? He cries, hits his head on the wall, and wails each time he fails in performance.

Mere Yaar ki Shaadi
The handsome heroine is about to get married and none of the 40 odd relatives who have assembled in a palace have seen the groom. Enter the beautiful Uday Chopra with the pic of the groom and all are agog with anxiety to see the pic, while someone is blushing like a pink kashmir ki kali in the backdrop. No no, not the heroine, it’s the heroine’s father. Alok Nath.

I sign off with some Typical Alok Nath dialogues that never fail to enthrall me
“Arre bete, yeh tum kya baat kar rahe ho. Apne dadaji ko aise nahi kehte beta, shayaad tumhe yaad nahi ke pandrah saal pehle….”
“Eh heheh heheh. Bache toh bhagwaan ki den hote hain Shardaprasadji. Inke aane se aangann khill uthtaa hai.”
“Aaj tumhare maa baap zinda hote toh unhe tumpe naaz hota, unka seena chhattees se chaalees ho gaya hota, tumne vilaayat se joh taaleem haasil ki hai.”